Hello everyone-- Long time no see.. My bad.
So since my last post what has happened-- well my life got flipped upside down-
*Kris got transferred to C Station and we moved within a 2 wk time period.I transfered my job out here and while I miss my home, it is pretty nice here. It's not home, but it will be some day. The kids are enjoying it and Sara has become popular.. Daniel is doing better than ever and ade blends in well with everyone so I knew she would be fine.
*My sister had her 2nd child, a son- welcome Caleb! On Sept 1st 2009!
*We have a temporary roomate now-- that's all I am going to say about that.
*Sara and Dylan broke up.. She had a rough go of it, but is ok now.
*Got in contact with my cousin from my dad's side of the family and he is moving just down the road with his new family!! YAY! Now it will feel more like home here.
*I think I have come to the conclusion I am either going crazy or getting old. I have not decided which yet, but I'm taking everyone down screaming with me!!
*I got a promotion of sorts at work-- a raise, but with min wage going up what USED to look like a good raise isnt all that anymore. The job is super rough and the hours are harsh, but they would not have given it to me if I could not have done it.
Other than that it is same ol same ol-- I am trying to make things work-- But I feel like I am at a breaking point. I have tried so hard for so long that I am just working now to not give up on it all... But this all has to do with the going crazy or getting old. I was given hope today however when asked how I was today by a boss I replied "I'm alive".. she asked "Who woke you up this morning?" I said "The alarm clock" Then she said something that reminded me why I am working so hard... " Your alarm clock never wakes you up... God wakes you up"
So I will keep working because I still have a job to do.. I will push through and live life for the day when I do not wake up alive anymore because then finally life will not be so hard anymore. I will have my rest and my job will be done.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Isn't it sad when you realize...
Isn't it sad when you realize that things are not the way you have pictured them your whole life.
When relationships with the people you always thought of as your closest companions is not anything like what you have always assumed?
The horrible alone feeling when you realize how much is purposely kept from you, and the worse feeling you get when you have to pretend you do not know about these things time and time again.
Or how about that feeling of knowing no one wants to talk to you about anything anymore. That's a good one too.
I am tired of being looked over. I'm tired of feeling alone. Did I do or say something to make me untrustworthy? Have I complained too much? Do people not like responses I have or advice I may give?
God.. even being told "you suck and I hate what you have to say" is better than "Shhh.. Don't tell Heather"
Or
"let's ignore these wet floor signs and walk right where she is mopping"
Or
"What she doesn't know won't hurt her"
I have few people left that talk to me and I can tell you they are not the ones I thought years ago would be my closest friends.
When relationships with the people you always thought of as your closest companions is not anything like what you have always assumed?
The horrible alone feeling when you realize how much is purposely kept from you, and the worse feeling you get when you have to pretend you do not know about these things time and time again.
Or how about that feeling of knowing no one wants to talk to you about anything anymore. That's a good one too.
I am tired of being looked over. I'm tired of feeling alone. Did I do or say something to make me untrustworthy? Have I complained too much? Do people not like responses I have or advice I may give?
God.. even being told "you suck and I hate what you have to say" is better than "Shhh.. Don't tell Heather"
Or
"let's ignore these wet floor signs and walk right where she is mopping"
Or
"What she doesn't know won't hurt her"
I have few people left that talk to me and I can tell you they are not the ones I thought years ago would be my closest friends.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Another day another rain storm...
So today, November 11th makes 2 days of consecutive almost non stop rain and it is KILLING my sinuses!! Now It is starting to get a little chilly and it will continue raining all week according to the weather man... men... they all say the same.
So I had a rough time at work today. I made the mistake of saying to a co worker almost 2 months ago now that I would be willing to help out in housekeeping of the store to get more hours. I only had like 8 that week and I would have been willing to sell a child or two if it meant more hours at the time) The housekeeping sup. overheard and ran to the bosses.. They asked if that was true and i said ok.. One of these days I will learn to keep my big mouth shut and stop volunteering for things.. Cause the housekeeping Supervisor left the day after I started doing it and I was stuck being the ONLY one in the store HALFWAY willing to do it, so that started my new career... Janitor.. So I threw a fit about kind of being tricked into doing it full time (And without better pay for it I might add).. I said I was willing to HELP out to get more hours, not become the only person in the store cleaning and fixing.. Do I look like a handy man? No I do not!! So they hired 2 new people.. One will be the new Supervisor and One who will take orders from the sup, and she is GREAT She has already started and she kicks butt over anything I have ever done.. She cleans houses for a living. Kohl's is a second job for her... So anyway... They have started putting me in other areas a day or two a week until these girls get trained and can take over for themselves.... And the other place they are putting me is the place I have been trying to get to for YEARS!! (Denim Specialist- Fold and replenish all the folded bottoms in the store- NOT an easy job, but I LOVE it) So getting a taste of freedom being soooo close has made doing the cleaning that much harder for me to bring myself to do. And today the other girl was not there, so I was cleaning all by me onsies, savvy? Just made for a rather Ickky day...
But on the plus side!! I am all excited for Sara.. She has been talking to this boy who lives in Joplin MO for almost a year or so now.. he is 15.. he has a web cam.. I made him point the camera at himself so I could make sure he was not some creepy old strange man.. He is a cutie! And sweet. He talked with me and told me Sara was awesomely cool. Nice and cute innocent chat thus far.. And yes.. i am keeping my eye on the relationship, but at least I do not have to worry about any meetings for the two of them seeing as he is so far away. But I still watch.. And no.. we do not have a web cam, so no exchanges of bad things... but they have alot in common and she seems to click with this kid... They seem to be good online buddies. I am happy that she has found someone to talk with that has so much in common with her.
Alrighty.. off to get ready for tonight's scout meeting... My head is throbbing with anticipation!
Heather
So I had a rough time at work today. I made the mistake of saying to a co worker almost 2 months ago now that I would be willing to help out in housekeeping of the store to get more hours. I only had like 8 that week and I would have been willing to sell a child or two if it meant more hours at the time) The housekeeping sup. overheard and ran to the bosses.. They asked if that was true and i said ok.. One of these days I will learn to keep my big mouth shut and stop volunteering for things.. Cause the housekeeping Supervisor left the day after I started doing it and I was stuck being the ONLY one in the store HALFWAY willing to do it, so that started my new career... Janitor.. So I threw a fit about kind of being tricked into doing it full time (And without better pay for it I might add).. I said I was willing to HELP out to get more hours, not become the only person in the store cleaning and fixing.. Do I look like a handy man? No I do not!! So they hired 2 new people.. One will be the new Supervisor and One who will take orders from the sup, and she is GREAT She has already started and she kicks butt over anything I have ever done.. She cleans houses for a living. Kohl's is a second job for her... So anyway... They have started putting me in other areas a day or two a week until these girls get trained and can take over for themselves.... And the other place they are putting me is the place I have been trying to get to for YEARS!! (Denim Specialist- Fold and replenish all the folded bottoms in the store- NOT an easy job, but I LOVE it) So getting a taste of freedom being soooo close has made doing the cleaning that much harder for me to bring myself to do. And today the other girl was not there, so I was cleaning all by me onsies, savvy? Just made for a rather Ickky day...
But on the plus side!! I am all excited for Sara.. She has been talking to this boy who lives in Joplin MO for almost a year or so now.. he is 15.. he has a web cam.. I made him point the camera at himself so I could make sure he was not some creepy old strange man.. He is a cutie! And sweet. He talked with me and told me Sara was awesomely cool. Nice and cute innocent chat thus far.. And yes.. i am keeping my eye on the relationship, but at least I do not have to worry about any meetings for the two of them seeing as he is so far away. But I still watch.. And no.. we do not have a web cam, so no exchanges of bad things... but they have alot in common and she seems to click with this kid... They seem to be good online buddies. I am happy that she has found someone to talk with that has so much in common with her.
Alrighty.. off to get ready for tonight's scout meeting... My head is throbbing with anticipation!
Heather
Monday, November 10, 2008
I've gone and done it now!!
Alright, Alright....I finally gave in and started a blog. And lucky You!! You get to read it! Do you have that "gitty" feeling deep inside yet? I knew you would!
So this afternoon is Monday, November 10th 2008 and it is 6:16 PM, and this has been quite the weekend to say the least!
My oldest child (Sara) turned 13 this passed weekend. Hard to believe that this much time has passed and not only how much she has grown, but how much her father and I have grown also. I remember being 17 and getting married and how we thought our lives would be. Finally 13 years later they are getting closer to the dreams of those completely naive kids. Having a child now so close to the age that her father and I were when we had her has really made me stop and think about Kris and I. I hope that makes me a better mother.. I can still so vividly remember the thoughts I had and why i did all that I did, and how at the time every choice I made seemed so like the right one. And each one turned out ok in the end.. but how I hope I can help her make better decisions as she grows and matures.
Kris, my dear husband spent last week and most of this weekend passing kidney stones. he has cystenuria.. a kidney disease that doesn't allow his kidneys to filter cystene that is found in animal bi-products, and as a result it causes stones.. not just pebble like stones, but pointy stones with spikes that rip him inside as he passes them. The only cure that we know of it not really a cure but something to help... he COULD go on a vegan diet, but anyone that knows Kris knows that idea is just funny. He passed 19 of these stones this go round and he has 2 that are too big to pass and will need to be surgically removed. We are hoping the operation will wait until he gets insurance that will cover pre-existing conditions in March of next year.
Daniel (My son who is now 8) has been seeing a psych at school Daniel has had speech problems that were awful as a toddler but finally with a great therapist got that in check... but there has always been something.. you know.. one of those "a mom just knows something is wrong" feelings twords my son. the psych called and asked me questions and observed him in class. They think he might have aspergers and dealing with that through school has caused depression. That Scares me.. Not the aspergers but the depression.. my daddy commited suicide 6 years ago.. I watched him struggle my whole life.. the sadness in his eyes... I do not want that for my son. And knowing that there was nothing that I could do for my dad scares me for Daniel. It doesn't only scare me, but drives me to a near point of hysteria. But with any luck we can get Daniel properly treated for his aspergers and that will help the depression and then I can finaly see a smile in my baby's eyes.
And little Jade... 6 years old and in 1st grade.. we are working hard on reading right now. Not really an easy thing to teach.. even though I have had to teach 2 children before her! Jade is so social she really doesn't seem to care much for reading, and being the baby figures that she can just get someone else to do it for her, and that most of the time works! (I know.. Bad mom-- hey-- I get tired!)
well, That is all for now. I am about to get kicked off the computer by one of my many little computer hogs.. But this will get you thinking for now. :)
Hugs and thanks for reading!!
Heather
So this afternoon is Monday, November 10th 2008 and it is 6:16 PM, and this has been quite the weekend to say the least!
My oldest child (Sara) turned 13 this passed weekend. Hard to believe that this much time has passed and not only how much she has grown, but how much her father and I have grown also. I remember being 17 and getting married and how we thought our lives would be. Finally 13 years later they are getting closer to the dreams of those completely naive kids. Having a child now so close to the age that her father and I were when we had her has really made me stop and think about Kris and I. I hope that makes me a better mother.. I can still so vividly remember the thoughts I had and why i did all that I did, and how at the time every choice I made seemed so like the right one. And each one turned out ok in the end.. but how I hope I can help her make better decisions as she grows and matures.
Kris, my dear husband spent last week and most of this weekend passing kidney stones. he has cystenuria.. a kidney disease that doesn't allow his kidneys to filter cystene that is found in animal bi-products, and as a result it causes stones.. not just pebble like stones, but pointy stones with spikes that rip him inside as he passes them. The only cure that we know of it not really a cure but something to help... he COULD go on a vegan diet, but anyone that knows Kris knows that idea is just funny. He passed 19 of these stones this go round and he has 2 that are too big to pass and will need to be surgically removed. We are hoping the operation will wait until he gets insurance that will cover pre-existing conditions in March of next year.
Daniel (My son who is now 8) has been seeing a psych at school Daniel has had speech problems that were awful as a toddler but finally with a great therapist got that in check... but there has always been something.. you know.. one of those "a mom just knows something is wrong" feelings twords my son. the psych called and asked me questions and observed him in class. They think he might have aspergers and dealing with that through school has caused depression. That Scares me.. Not the aspergers but the depression.. my daddy commited suicide 6 years ago.. I watched him struggle my whole life.. the sadness in his eyes... I do not want that for my son. And knowing that there was nothing that I could do for my dad scares me for Daniel. It doesn't only scare me, but drives me to a near point of hysteria. But with any luck we can get Daniel properly treated for his aspergers and that will help the depression and then I can finaly see a smile in my baby's eyes.
And little Jade... 6 years old and in 1st grade.. we are working hard on reading right now. Not really an easy thing to teach.. even though I have had to teach 2 children before her! Jade is so social she really doesn't seem to care much for reading, and being the baby figures that she can just get someone else to do it for her, and that most of the time works! (I know.. Bad mom-- hey-- I get tired!)
well, That is all for now. I am about to get kicked off the computer by one of my many little computer hogs.. But this will get you thinking for now. :)
Hugs and thanks for reading!!
Heather
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
